3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
