is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
