Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
