we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
