I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
