And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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