after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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