i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize