pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
