I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
