dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
