how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
