There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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