well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
