I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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