he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
