i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
