There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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