the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize