The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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