I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
