these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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