Whod you bang
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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