So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize