tell your sister to shave her snatch
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
