I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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