My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have feelings that need drinking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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