Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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