I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
