Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
