new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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