dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I die, sorry about rent.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
