If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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