a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
