i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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