Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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