I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
