my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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