do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
