Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
