i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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