Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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