i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
