youre lurking in front of me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How's work?
Spinning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
