Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
