I want to stick my p in your. b.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
