Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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