no you cant smoke seaweed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just crazy horny about you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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