it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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