hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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