I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
