he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
