those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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