Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
