That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
