after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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