We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
