This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God, I missed his penis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
