the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
