Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
