Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
