the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
