There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
