Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
