You're so nebulous sometimes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
