i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
