everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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