Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.

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(301): saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark. http://tfl.nu/xqm1

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(917): View more from New York City

I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

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(917): I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying http://tfl.nu/unbu

Replies (12) Good night (1085) Bad night (6299)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl

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(814): you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl http://tfl.nu/ed1u

Replies (24) Good night (1058) Bad night (6489)
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(727): View more from Florida

He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.

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(727): He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god. http://tfl.nu/zb23

Replies (22) Good night (1085) Bad night (2750)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.

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(601): And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob. http://tfl.nu/lvxa

Replies (8) Good night (2623) Bad night (959)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs

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(541): Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs http://tfl.nu/iwcs

Replies (7) Good night (2483) Bad night (1270)
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(928): View more from Arizona

No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.

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(928): No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals. http://tfl.nu/o042

Replies (4) Good night (787) Bad night (651)
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(515): View more from Iowa

So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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(515): So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night? (1-515): Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something .... http://tfl.nu/8iom

Replies (10) Good night (2317) Bad night (630)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.

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(201): It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night. http://tfl.nu/1gt9

Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (408)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.

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(+64): You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus. http://tfl.nu/u2un

Replies (5) Good night (1173) Bad night (507)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.

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(248): I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex. http://tfl.nu/x4c4

Replies (8) Good night (361) Bad night (797)
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(850): View more from Florida

Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?

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(850): Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'? http://tfl.nu/7fyz

Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (508)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work

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(269): I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work http://tfl.nu/fkwe

Replies (1) Good night (828) Bad night (424)
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(260): View more from Indiana

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.

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(260): Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message. http://tfl.nu/4llk

Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (337)
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(517): View more from Michigan

He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.

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(517): He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign. http://tfl.nu/fbyv

Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (182)

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