Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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