There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life