Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.

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  (443): I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans. http://tfl.nu/20x0
  Replies (6) Good night (2410) Bad night (522)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Is licking assholes a new fad or something?

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  (810): Is licking assholes a new fad or something? http://tfl.nu/gtcd
  Replies (59) Good night (1036) Bad night (3715)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
  Replies (27) Good night (6979) Bad night (565)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay

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  (513): He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay http://tfl.nu/cp59
  Replies (4) Good night (3405) Bad night (1014)
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  (949): View more from California

  shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...

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  (949): shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do... http://tfl.nu/qae9
  Replies (22) Good night (1292) Bad night (3884)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.

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  (904): hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway. http://tfl.nu/oo0k
  Replies (6) Good night (2865) Bad night (735)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady

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  (250): there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady http://tfl.nu/zjtt
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (2340)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.

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  (402): I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of. http://tfl.nu/pxlj
  Replies (3) Good night (867) Bad night (2366)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

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  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
  Replies (12) Good night (2797) Bad night (555)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I was tackling you out of excitement

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.

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  (316): I was tackling you out of excitement (918): Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall. http://tfl.nu/io5x
  Replies (3) Good night (1260) Bad night (534)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.

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  (907): I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup. http://tfl.nu/rbz2
  Replies (3) Good night (401) Bad night (686)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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  (+44): Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is. http://tfl.nu/4j3n
  Replies (5) Good night (2178) Bad night (346)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.

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  (540): Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too. http://tfl.nu/nqk1
  Replies (8) Good night (568) Bad night (1696)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we're breaking up

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  (918): Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash. (918): And we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/t8m0
  Replies (9) Good night (436) Bad night (1889)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.

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  (630): And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then. http://tfl.nu/h2gd
  Replies (4) Good night (391) Bad night (366)

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