We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.