Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.