ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat