Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived