my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
