So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
