question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
