There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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