There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
