I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
