Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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