I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
