I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
