I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
