dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
