i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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