I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
