Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
