it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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